Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Chuck Norris Endores Huckabee

Well, Chuck and I agree on the best Republican candidate. We certainly did not agree on the last.

It could be the latest so-called Chuck Norris fact: The American people don't choose presidents, Chuck Norris does.

The cult hero of “Walker Texas Ranger” fame said Monday he’s backing Republican Mike Huckabee for president.

“Though Giuliani might be savvy enough to lead people, Fred Thompson wise enough to wade through the tides of politics, McCain tough enough to fight terrorism and Romney business-minded enough to grow our economy, I believe the only one who has all of the characteristics to lead America forward into the future is ex-Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee,” Norris wrote on the conservative Web site World Net Daily.

“Mike is also a respected and fearless leader, and he does not cower to the cries of any majority or minority,” Norris added. “He doesn't abandon his values for what's expedient. Like our Founding Fathers, he's not afraid to stand up for a Creator and against secularist beliefs.”

Huckabee’s campaign has not responded to a request for comment.

LINK: Martial arts TV star picks presidential candidate

The Indecision 2008 blog had a great "Mike Huckabee Facts" parody...

You may be wondering why Chuck Norris has decided to throw his massive support behind Mike Huckabee for president. Turns out there's a bunch of reasons...
  • When Mike Huckabee participated in the Iowa Straw Poll, they had to re-name it the Iowa Iron Pole.

  • Mike Huckabee can cut taxes... with his penis.

  • Stephen Hawking told Mike Huckabee the universe was 12 billion years old once. Once.

  • Mike Huckabee lost 100 pounds of body fat by eating it.

  • Jesus asked Mike Huckabee for career advice, but Huckabee was too busy body-slamming Satan.

  • Mike Huckabee flosses his teeth with the bones of abortion doctors at least twice a day.

  • Mike Huckabee is forbidden to interfere with human history.

  • Top scientists believe global warming is a direct consequence of Mike Huckabee getting angry.

  • Mike Huckabee opposes gay marriage because every man on earth wants to marry him.

  • Mike Huckabee won't repeal the Estate Tax out of sympathy for the families of his victims.

  • Mike Huckabee has completed six marathons, two of which aren't until next year.

  • Fred Thomspon, John McCain and Rudy Giuliani all got cancer because Mike Huckabee looked at them too hard.

  • If Mike Huckabee is elected, he'll bring all the troops home--he can handle this himself.

  • If Mike Huckabee had been around in Biblical times, the symbol of Christianity would be Pontius Pilate with a cross up his ass.

  • Mike Huckabee would've stopped the attack of 9/11, but there was an asteroid hurtling toward Earth that day.

  • Mike Huckabee doesn't talk in sound bites; he speaks in decibel munches.

  • Charles Darwin was actually born the same year as Mike Huckabee, but Huckabee punched him back to the 1800s.

  • If Mike Huckabee had been President, the levees in New Orleans never would've broke, because Katrina would've known better.

  • Mike Huckabee's philosophy on showing mercy is "abstinence-only."

  • Atheism can be cured by Mike Huckabee's farts.

  • Mike Huckabee is so powerful, even the ugly, unwanted, weight he discarded is running for president: Dennis Kucinich.

  • Most bass players tune to a low E; Mike Huckabee tunes to F U.

  • The 1976 Tangshan earthquake killed over 250,000 people. Nine months later, the Huckabees welcomed their first son.

  • Mike Huckabee spelled backwards is "Jesus Loves You." It's not? I dare you to tell that to Mike Huckabee.

  • Mike Huckabee is only running for President because he's reached his term limit as Grand Master of Space and Time

  • Mike Huckabee opposes the right to die... painlessly.

  • Mike Huckabee is running the greenest campaign transporting his entire staff from state to state on his c*ck and huge rolling balls.

  • In Soviet Russia, President runs for Mike Huckabee!

  • Fifteen years ago Mike Huckabee cured "Andrew" Coulter of his vestigial male genitalia.

  • If elected, Mike Huckabee will replace the Justice Department with his fists.
LINK: Propaganza: Mike Huckabee Facts

Go Huckabee?
-Mr. Joseph

UPDATE (11/19/07):

LINK: Mike Huckabee Ad: "Chuck Norris Approved"

You really can't make this stuff up.

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